Following are excerpts from a Syrian political satire, titled "It's a Goat, Even If It Flies," posted on the Internet on August 13, 2011. The presenter is wearing a mask in order to protect her relatives living in Syria.
Why Does Nasrallah Support All Arab Uprisings Except for the Syrian One?
Title: "It's a Goat, Even If It Flies – with Hassan Nasrallah."
Masked presenter ("Syrian Infiltrator"): "Since the beginning of the Syrian revolution, the position of His Eminence Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah has been clear – he is against the Syria revolution, even though he supported the revolution in Egypt, he supported the revolution in Libya, he supported the revolution in Tunisia, he supported the revolution in Yemen, and of course, he supported the revolution in Bahrain.
"We are the only exception. Why is that, oh Sheik of the Resistance?"
Footage of Nasrallah on TV: "Among the countries bordering with Israel, there is only one Arab regime of resistance – the Syrian regime. It is the only one. I believe that collaborating in the toppling of this Syrian regime of resistance, which is prepared to carry out reforms..."
Masked presenter ("Syrian Infiltrator"): "This regime of resistance had announced the fall of Quneitra 72 hours before a single Zionist soldier set foot in it. This regime of resistance sent our youth to the Golan border without weapons, while it was using its own weapons in Daraa. [...]
"Please explain why you support the revolution of Bahrain, for example."
Footage of Nasrallah on TV: "Okay, take a look at Bahrain, for example. People took to the streets in a peaceful demonstration. There were hundreds of martyrs and wounded people, and hundreds were arrested."
Directing Nasrallah to Where to Find the Syrian Protesters
Masked presenter ("Syrian Infiltrator"): "You are truly blind. You saw hundreds of martyrs in Bahrain, but not a single one in Syria? We have reached 2,000 already.
"Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, we deem the blood of the oppressed, whether Sunni or Shi'ite, to be precious, but you are the sectarian one."
Footage of Nasrallah on TV: "Okay, where is the Syrian people?"
Masked presenter ("Syrian Infiltrator"): "Hello?! We are right here with our masks. I will give you the address. Catch a plane to Aleppo, on Thursday or Friday. You can choose between the Al-Jamiliya area and the university. Then go to Hama. There is a place called Al-Asi Square. You will find them there – a tiny group of 500,000 people or so. You can also find them in Homs, in Daraa, or in Jisr Al-Shughur.
"If you get completely lost, follow the smell of blood. Of course, they clean up after every bloodbath, but, you know, the smell of blood lasts for 2-3 days."
Footage of Nasrallah on TV: "They did not use guns, pistols, or hand grenades. They did not form a front, and did not take over cities or villages. Man, they did not even use knives. This is great injustice."
Masked presenter ("Syrian Infiltrator"): "As if the Syrian protesters go to the demonstration on their horses, brandishing the swords of the Bani Hamdan tribe. Their front line is full of tanks, or rather, 4X4 vehicles armed to combat helicopters. The second line consists of the AK-47s, right? Meanwhile, the General Security Agency showers them with roses. [...]
"I would like to understand why you support the reforms of the 'honorable' president Bashar Al-Assad in particular. All the deposed presidents declared reforms, yet you continued to support the people.
"What is the one thing that distinguishes the 'honorable' Bashar Al-Assad from all the other presidents? Apart from his blue eyes... Apart from his selling of gas to China... Exactly. He is Shi'ite. So who is sectarian then?! [...]
"If you have the time, please draw a quick comparison between the various revolutions in the Arab world."
Man impersonating Nasrallah's voice: "The regimes are stagnant. In Bahrain, the regime was and still is stagnant. Mubarak, Qadhafi, and Zein Al-Abideen Ben Ali were all stagnant. In the case of [Syria], the regime is not stagnant. On the contrary, this regime says it is ready [for reforms]. On top of it all, it is serious about it."
Masked presenter ("Syrian Infiltrator"): "No sir, it is stagnant through and through. At least the deposed leaders said that they would not run for another term. Perhaps they were merely paying lip service, but [Bashar] didn't even say that. Since you love [Bashar] so much and defend him, the Syrian people would like to give a little present to you and to George Kurdahi [a pro-Bashar Lebanese game show host].
"Take him. Take Bashar Al-Assad, his family, Rami Makhlouf, the shabiha militia, and the parliament. Take them as a present, and teach them to dance the Lebanese debka. We will pay you to take them, but on one condition: The produce coming out of Syria is non-refundable and non-replaceable."
Mocking the Conspiracy Theories that Non-Syrians are Behind the Uprising
Credits: "This show was funded by: The United States of America, several Salafi emirates, the Muslim Brotherhood, Bandar bin Sultan, evil Lebanese, Israel, and Al-Qaeda.
"We thank them for uniting for the first time in history in order to plan the Syrian revolution.
"Concept and presentation: Syrian infiltrator.
"Editing: Several infiltrators.
"Camera: Another infiltrator.
"Producer: Yet another infiltrator.
"Director: Just an infiltrator.
"It's a Goat, Even If It Flies.
"All the infiltrating TV channels have the right to air this."
