Iranian Satire Presents Bush and Blair's Game of Chess

The following are excerpts from an Iranian satire that was aired on Sahar TV on April 4, 2005:

Tony Blair: This is exhausting. Want to do something else, George?

George W. Bush: Alright. Let's think of a new place to start a war?

Tony Blair: We've got plenty of time for that. I was thinking about amusing ourselves with some game.

George W. Bush: Good idea. How about baseball?

Tony Blair: That's a silly game. How about a game of chess? Are you familiar with that game, George?

George W. Bush: Chess? Of course I know it.

Tony Blair: I mean chess, not boxing.

George W. Bush: I know the game, and no one can beat me at it. Let me get it.

Tony Blair: Fine, you go first.

George W. Bush: That's fair. What do I do now?

Tony Blair: Didn't you say you knew how to play this game?

George W. Bush: Of course I know, just give me some pointers.

Tony Blair: You try to kill my king, and I try to kill yours, George.

George W. Bush: What kind of a game is this if you only kill one person?

Tony Blair: You can kill whoever you want, but the player who kills the king wins.

George W. Bush: Fine, give me a minute. All I have are soldiers!? No planes or aircraft carriers or anything?!

Tony Blair: I don't have any either, George.

George W. Bush: I don't care what you have or don't have. Do you know how many warplanes and battleships I command?

Tony Blair: But this is just a game. It's just a game.

George W. Bush: Killing a king whose guards are armed to the teeth is not a game, but a real war. I can't rely on the CIA to kill your king. I must start a real war, an all-out war, don't you see?

Tony Blair: But George...

George W. Bush: What do you mean by "but"? When it comes to killing the enemy, we must act quickly and forcefully, without "ifs" or "buts," or anything.

Tony Blair: Forgive me...

George W. Bush: By sea, by air, and by land we must attack him from all directions.

Tony Blair: No, no, Bush...

George W. Bush: No?! You say no? Would you like me to kill your king by diplomacy? I must take swift measures to finish it. And when I say swift, I mean as quick as this.

Tony Blair: What are you doing, George? We're friends!

George W. Bush: Friends?! I don't even know my own father. I kill everyone who gets in my way.