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During a December 9, 2018 lecture in the Muslim Center of New York in Flushing, Queens, Sheikh Yaser Nadeem Al-Wajdi discussed wife-beating in Islam and said that it is only permissible under very rare circumstances, such as when a woman is being disloyal, and her husband doesn't want to seek separation or Islamic legal action for the sake of the children. In such situations, Sheikh Al-Wajdi said, the husband must first admonish his wife verbally, and then he must leave the conjugal bed. After these steps, he may strike her using a miswak (dental twig) in a fashion that is not hard and that is meant to hurt her dignity. The lecture was streamed live on the Muslim Center of New York's Facebook page. Sheikh Al-Wajdi is the director of Darul Uloom Online and the Dean of Academic Affairs at the Illinois-based Institute of Islamic Education. He was educated in Pakistan, India, and the United States.
Following are excerpts:
Sheikh Yaser Al-Wajdi: [In the Quran,] Allah mentioned beating [one's wife]. The first step is to admonish them. You admonish them, you warn them. You leave them in bed. The third thing is to strike them. But this person jumps to the third stage, as soon as he feels that his wife is opposing him. He forgets about admonishing her and leaving her bed, and he forgets the correct interpretation of this verse. He thinks: "By getting married to this lady, I have a license to treat her however I want. I have a license to beat her, abandon her in bed, and I have a license to treat her as my slave." That is completely wrong.
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What is the purpose of not beating them hard? It is so that it doesn't hurt her physically. Rather, it hurts her dignity. It targets her dignity.
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Allah says: "As of those women from whom you fear their disloyalty…" The Prophet Muhammad said that if they commit an obvious sin, then you have the authority to go through these stages.
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Therefore, if a husband feels that his wife is cheating on him… That is of the rarest of the rare situations. So what are his options? And [if] she has gone to the last stage in this deception… What are his options? Imagine, if there are Islamic laws in place – then the first option is… If he has witnesses, of course, then he can report to the authorities. Those four witnesses will go to the court, they will testify, and she will be punished. If that's the case.
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But in some situations it happens that the husband sometimes [makes] sacrifices. Why? Because he has little children. He thinks: "Of course I can go to the court anytime and seek separation, but what will happen to the children?" Their mother has to take care of them.
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The first stage is… If you really want to sacrifice and continue living with your wife, for the sake of your children or for any other reason… Admonish her. Try to warn her. Tell her not to do it again. If you don't want to take the legal route. If she doesn't stop, leave her in bed. If that doesn't work out, beat her. [Do it in a fashion] that is not hard, with a miswak [dental twig]. Alright? The purpose of using a miswak is so that her dignity is hurt and she realizes that she is making a big mistake. "Beat them" doesn't mean that you start taking a whip and beating her. That is not permissible at all.
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If hitting and beating wives was permissible, as some modernists, liberals, orientalists, non-Muslims accuse… They say that Islam, because of this verse, allows domestic violence. If it was permissible, the Prophet Muhammad would have done it. It is not permissible. That is why the Prophet Muhammad didn't do it.
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